Who I Am....

Who I Am...

I am...just a girl on a journey.

I want...to be known in spite of my tendency to shy away from vulnerability.

I have...amazing family and friends whom make my heart full.

I wish...they all lived closer (or I had a private jet).

I hate...that I worry.

I fear...heights.

I hear...tiny feet running around upstairs (I love hearing that).

I search...for truth.

I wonder...where I'm headed and how I'll get there.

I regret...that my to-do list rarely gets completed and I never learned to play the guitar.

I love...enjoying the 3 F's (Fun, Food, Fellowship) at the same time.

I ache...when people I love are hurting.

I always... sing when the National Anthem is being played.

I usually...lose my breath when I see a beautiful sunset.

I am not...a writer but writing stories through photos and words is a wonderful outlet for me.

I dance...a lot with Matthew lately.

I sing...less now than I use to.

I never...get enough sleep at night.

I sometimes...have a hard time being patient for things.

I cry...I'm a girl, you want to know EVERYTHING that makes me cry?

I am not always...an extrovert.

I lose...in a foot race every time (except against children under the age of 5)*

I am confused...when we don't choose to love and restore dignity, over reputation. (and when I see this)

I need...Grace, truth and redemption in my life daily.

I should...workout more (Amen Megan).

Who Are You?

Now you're supposed to copy and repost your answers.... I'm not tagging people but if you do it, let me know so I can check you out! :)


*possibly younger, it just depends on how athletic of a 4 year old the kid is

Office Coversations - SMH

I was talking to a co-worker of mine and apparently sexy knees are in. Sexy KNEES. I wasn't sure where to go from there but it went something like this:

Co-worker: "I need to find an exercise that tones my knees."
Me: "Your KNEES? Don't you mean your quads, hamstrings and calves... i.e. your LEGS?" isn't your knee kind of like your elbow? if your knee looks fat, it's probably b/c your legs are, in fact, fat or out of shape. But I don't know, that's just my thinking... (and by YOU I was not referring to her, I was THINKING in general)
Co-worker: "No... I'm talking about this area right here," as she runs her fingers around her knee caps. (clearly not wanting to believe that the only way to get your knees to look better, is to get your entire leg to look better, which would mean actually working out)
Me: (scratching my head) "I'm pretty sure that IF there WAS an exercise that tones your knees, Kate Middleton knows what it is." (but then again, she's probably working on her overall fitness by the looks of things.)
Co-worker: "You think she has a blog about what she does to get her knees to look that good? or maybe there's a procedure just to tone up a little bit? You think?" (WHAT?!?!)
Me: (NO, I don't, actually, but I'll play along.... yes, I'm a jerk) "Google it, I bet there's something out there.... Let me know what you find," as I walk back to my cubicle very, very disheartened (for many reasons)....

.....Although that conversation on the surface seemed somewhat shallow, it was oddly informative. I mean, have you seen Kate Middleton's knees?!? If you clicked on the link earlier in this post you have, and my knees.... Well, let's just hope that sexy knees is a quick fad, that runs it's course as quickly as Los del Rio and the Macarena (if this song is played at my wedding, I'll puke). But for some reason sexy knees seem way more appealing than the Macarena, so I may be out of luck. As if us ladies didn't have enough to be self-conscious about, now we have to worry about our knees too. Thank you Co-worker, for making me aware of this new *trend* and giving me one more short coming to own up to (because I didn't have enough).

Leg extensions and lunges are my new best friends. #whoamikidding_idontcare

My Rock of Remembrance_2011 Jan recap

February. Good gracious. It's February. To say time is flying by and that I wish I had a pause button would make me sound like an old fart be cliche, but geeeez..... I promise I will only say this one more time, IT'S ALREADY FEBRUARY, PEOPLE! 2011 is going to come and go just like every other year has done before, but this year is going to mark a lot of new things for me. My memory is not always the best when it comes to periods of transition in my life and I want to have a record of my story; things going on, decisions I'm making (and why), God moments, what I'm feeling, the new characters involved, the ups, the downs... you get the picture. It does sound a bit self-absorbed, but I promise it's not truly believe that God uses our past to shape our future. Not to say that God can't or won't use something in my past just because I can't remember it (whew!), but being reminded of things He brought me through or lessons learned is invaluable when making decisions about the future. Right? Okay, enough rambling, March will be here before I know it and I will still be writing this post. So here's a wrap up of January, 2011....

*Celebrated New Years with Shayla, Paul, Mel, Chief and Brett in Georgetown

*Got the flu and thought I was going to die

*Started packing in order to move out of my place, and in with the Campbells

*Took a trip to Denver, CO (I will have another post about this as it was integral in some of my subsequent decisions) and saw two of my favorite people, Carrie and Jamar
Carrie and me, snow shoe'ing :)

Jamar taking me to meet up with Carrie :)

*Finished More packing - Wonderful friends helped me (finish packing) move

An almost empty house

David in the U-Haul truck; on our way to the storage unit!

Jon driving the U-Haul

Julie and Matthew at Ledo's after a tough day's work!

*Survived a couple snow storms/Enjoyed playing in the snow with Matthew

*Settled into the Campbells and had friends over for drinks, games and hot tub'ing

*Submitted application to CCU for their Masters of Arts in Counseling Program

So long January 2011, you may be over, but (now) you will not be forgotten. February, please bring less snow and more dance parties via Matthew and Campbell clan. I'm keeping it simple this month. Focusing on enjoying the journey. Decisions will be made, fun will be had, my heart will be full, and the pages in my story will continue to turn as I co-author with God in writing the next chapter.

Q_TP #3 - God Save Us All

‎"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

-- George Washington

Now there's a thought America. Republicans... Democrats.... Lay Citizens.... SEEK TRUTH AND PURSUE IT STEADILY. (I should add Media* to my charge, but we all know how well that would go over) I wonder what kind of difference that could make, if we all actually got off facebook for long enough to seek out truth and then pursue it steadily. It's an interesting thought actually. If, instead of allowing the media to control what we believe, we actually researched and studied the historical data for ourselves. I think we would ALL be surprised at what we could accomplish, together, as a nation undivided.

*does anyone feel a tad nervous when watching anything about politics on TV. And by a tad nervous I mean, pee-your-pants scared that our country has seen it's best years and our generation has nothing to look forward to but the perishing of a country that use to be something special? Just wondering.

One day at a time...

For those of you that saw my list, you will be happy to know I am on schedule and almost EVERYTHING on my list can be. checked. off. I have some very tired, sore and pretty amazing friends that came out this past weekend to help me MOVE OUT! I did take one or two pictures but the frigged weather made sure I kept my gloves on and well, it's just hard to take pictures with gloves on your hands.

Can I just say that moving stinks? It really does. And moving when it's 12 degrees outside stinks more. When I say it was cold outside, that is not an understatement. We're talking, steam coming off Chief and Jon's heads because they were hot....the air was not. Did I mention they were sweating? Yes, they were the first two guys there and after a few overwhelming moments, I sheepishly (not really) put them to work. And... they. were. awesome. They both admitted half way through that maybe the idea of working out prior to helping me move (really?! What the heck?) was a bad idea. Seriously though, I am so grateful for them and the rest of the crew that came out! I couldn't have done it without them.... I loved watching David and Chuck strategically figure out where things should go in the storage truck/unit as it seemed that more things began to appear out of no where... How on earth did I collect so much stuff and where has it been hiding?! It's like it started crawling out of the crevices as I started to pack.... Brittany and Julie were good for helping me figure out what I "needed" to keep or not. At one point I was like, "ooooh there are those dumbells that I haven't ever used....I should pack those so I start using them." lol. Needless to say, they were put in the goodwill pile (that took up practically the whole dining room....nice). Abby helped me fend for my stuff at times, until she got relegated to the kitchen (sad face) to finish some of the packing that I hadn't been able to get to... Thanks Abs!

Note to self... always go with the bigger truck. I horribly underestimated the amount of space my valuables (junk) would take up and we ended up having to make two trips.... second trip lacked a little motivation... but we got it done. Most of it at least. We dropped the second load at Amy and David's then booked it to Ledo's Pizza before we all passed out. Second note to self, don't underestimate time or the necessity of eating prior to a serious move day. We were all STARVING... some of us hadn't eaten since breakfast (eh hem) and we ordered something like 5 pizzas. ha. We didn't eat them all but, it sounded doable when we ordered!

Thanks to my wonderful friends who sacrificed their Saturday to help me out! I am so grateful (why isn't that word spelled like GREAT? ugh) for your kind service and friendships! :) I only have 7 (partial), 9, and 10 left to do on my list and you guys are all to thank for that!

(pictures to come....)

To worry, or not to worry: Q-TP#2

‎"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit out impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control." -Francis Chan

Que dramatic scene of girl overreacting (about anything, you name it, we've most likely overreacted about it) to her friend and then her friend hauling off and whacking her in the face to make her stop. *Deep breath. Thank you, Megan, for the slap in the face... I needed that.

My younger sister slapped this quote on my wall (fbook wall, is there any other?) yesterday and it stopped me in my tracks. For those of you who know me well, you know that I can be SOOOOO good at worrying when I want to be. I'm not one who stresses, per say, but worrying... yeah, that is my thing. And the things that I choose to worry about are the CRAZIEST of things. Not normal everyday things like, "why is everyone starring at me? is the back of my skirt tucked into my leggings again??" or "did I leave the house unlocked when I left for work?" I worry about freak accident stuff and things that I really have NO control over but would cause a great deal of pain or discomfort for me or someone I love, whether physical or emotional. I won't go into everything that I worry about but here is a clue... I couldn't have been older than 10 years old when I specifically remember crying myself to sleep because I was scared one of my siblings was going to fall through the ice at the pond near our house that winter. Or another time when Mom and Dad could not get home fast enough because I was convinced that UFO's were hovering around our house.

Okay, yes, I've stopped worrying about UFO's (eh-hem), but that's not my point. My point is that I am about to embark on a big, new, scary step in my life because it is going to require me to leave a lot of the things that give me comfort. And there is a lot that I COULD worry about. After all, there are a lot of unknowns and a lot of different directions my life could possibly take right now. But I am going to choose to trust rather than to worry. I can be confident that as I walk forward in this whole decision-making process that His Spirit inside of me will nudge me if I am headed in the wrong direction. Don't get me wrong, this does not mean that I'm putting my options in a hat and blindly picking my future. But I'm researching, talking to people, and pursuing doors that seem to be opening as I seek answers. Not to forget, looking at my past to see what passions God has placed inside of me from an early age and how I can pursue and nurture these passions in order to be who God has called me to be in the midst of His story.

Sure I could worry about things like, if I left this job to go back to school I may not EVER have the job security I have now.... And even in saying that I realize that I far too often make God out to be way smaller than he truly is because really my job, my benefits, flexibility and SENSE of security could all be wiped clean today, and then what would I be clinging to? So the quote_to ponder came right on time. I don't want pseudo security... I want God's security. Worry less, trust more....

A list was in order...

Mildly productive. That's how I would define my night tonight. Finished some chores around the house, got my mail (gasp), opened it (say what!?!), went grocery shopping, dropped a few things by the Campbell's place, snuck in a few giggles and books with Matthew, and most importantly I made a list.

This week has already been incredibly overwhelming for me, starting with another night where my body wanted rest but my mind was so not having it. I swear there are nights my mind races like it were competing against the Kenyans in an Olympic marathon.... and my mind is winning. I just start thinking of all of the things that need to be done and then my mind explodes because, well, where do I start....And that's why tonight was productive. I have narrowed my spectrum a little. Right now. For the next few weeks, my goal is to be packed up and moved into Casa a la Campbell and EZStorage. That's it. Not to fix up the condo, have it rented out, apply to 5 schools, take the GRE, get into 5 schools, decide what I'm doing come summer time when my job relocates, name my future children, cure cancer and feed the hungry by February. Simply, pack. and. Move. The rest will come in it's time. So with my brain dump and now clearly focused on JUST packing and moving out, I can make a list that looks somewhat attainable and it won't make me some kind of crazy woman who may just very well lose it if one more school makes it like a game of finding Waldo to figure out their application deadline on their website. Hint: BOLD letters "Fall Semester application due date: xxxxx" I HATE FINDING freakin' WALDO. Why are you lost all the time anyway, Mr. Waldo?? Don't push me....but I digress. Maybe you can relate or maybe I'm weird (probably) but if I don't have my 'search' narrowed down, I am ALL OVER the map and my mind will not let me rest.

So here's my list:

1. Get packing paper

2. Pack out kitchen and laundry room

3. Take down, wrap, pack all frames/artwork

4. Call Good Will to pick up give aways

5. Work on desk and organizing documents

6. Organize a moving crew (hopefully friends) when close to finishing packing - goal 29/30 Jan

7. Pack up clothes and remaining room items

8. MOVE - storage/casa a la Campbell

9. Clean and figure out what needs to be fixed

*10. (b/c you can't stop a list at 9) pop cork, feet up, glass of red wine in hot tub a la Campbell!

Well, it's a start... We'll see how it goes. Is anyone watching this game?!? Holy cow... a great BCS Championship game as far as making it competitive! Good night all...