Thursday, March 31, 2011

A side note to yesterday's post...

If you are going through a season in life or even a moment that is, in fact, heart breaking and soul aching, PLEASE do not interpret my most recent post to have said that our heartache here in this world is insignificant or self-absorbed. I actually believe quite the opposite. It DOES matter, because we matter. OUR story matters. And God says it right here in Psalm 56:8 - "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” Not one tear dissapates without being recorded by our loving Father. Whoa. That's honestly an overwhelming visual to me. I mean that's gotta be a REALLY big bottle.

He would not have said that if He meant for us to be these mechanical-robot-Christians, that never felt (or acknowledged) pain and lived in a perfect world. This world is broken, we are broken. Our hearts, yep, broken. And our mender-of-broken-hearts-God, asks us to lay our brokenness at His feet to be redeemed. Which He does. Time. After. Time.

Pain is real. Acting like it doesn't exist does not make our righteousness scale tip to the right or more Christ-like. It makes us fake. My intent in yesterday's post was simply to record the feeling evoked from Ms Gibb's words. And for whatever reason it struck me. It pricked my heart because I am often times WAY too concerned about my well being and comfort in my middle-class world (as if being a Christian entitles me to a comfortable life), than I am about things like serving others who need to be loved.

And that's all I have to say about that (I didn't say it would be a short side note).

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Ready or Not....

"We must move away from asking God to take care of the things that are breaking our hearts to praying about the things that are breaking God's heart."

--Margaret Gibb

Words. They are so powerful. I felt like someone sucker punched me right in the gut while reading these ever-so-eloquent, yet piercing words. This Maragret Gibb character has some nerve, doesn't she? I mean, I wasn't even looking, and most certainly wasn't ready for her one, two combo! I'd like to meet her some day and give her a piece of my mind. For now, a simple note on my blog will have to do.

Dear Ms Margaret Gibb,

Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for your heart. I look forward to the day, that those words, and that prayer are the sentiment of my heart. And until that moment, I'll just keep reminding myself that this world does not revolve around me and praying for a new renewed heart and mind.

Love, KT

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A year of discovery_The gift that keeps on giving...

Well, spring is here, which always beckons the dawn of a new year for yours truly. Yep, it's my birthday. It sounds so cliche, but I am sitting here thinking about my 31st year and wondering where it went and how it zipped past me so quickly? I'm not sure what I have to show for this past year... I didn't buy a new house, get engaged/married, have a kid... you know, the normal stuff that people my age are doing at this point in their lives. And before you think I'm throwing myself a pity party, I must tell you that there has been a dramatic shift with in me over the course of this past year. For the better, in my opinion (let's hope). No, I may not be moving at the same speed as everyone else, with respect to life benchmarks (who cares, I don't*), but I can tell you that in this past year I have discovered more of myself - the good, bad, & ugly - which has proven to be one of the most valuable gifts I have ever been given. And I'm grateful, with a huge helping of humbled.

*on most days

Have you ever heard the song 'Beautiful Mess'? I don't know who sings it or the exact words to that song, but I get it. This life thing ain't always pretty, in fact, it's just plain messy at times.... But somehow, some where along the way, as I take a second and gasp for a deep breath of perspective, I see beauty in the process. When I truly start to understand the depth of forgiveness, the healing in redemption, the freedom in truth and the love behind God's never-ending grace for me, is when my eyes are peeled wide open to the beauty of this thing called life. But I think without drudging through the unkempt, often heart-wrenching trials in my life, I'm not so sure I would see the beauty with the same vividness and humility. If anything, this past year has given me a lot of perspective (Do I sound like an old lady or what?!). Life isn't about what I have or keeping up with the Jones' (unless I allow it to be)... It's about living MY life to the fullest, however it may come at me, in a way that is real, full of love and with dignity.

As I step into this next "new year," I am expecting a LOT of change. What that change will look like, I don't know. But what I do know is that there will be moments that are not easy, there will be uncomfortable situations and times that I really wonder "is all this really necessary?!" And all this so-called perspective that I've been talking about has proven time and time again that, yes, it REALLY is. Growing pains are a means to an end... and in the end, I want to be just who God made me to be, doing just what he made me to do. Knowing that alone, is enough to bring a smile to my face as I sit here thinking about 'what might be' :) in this coming year! I am so thankful for 31. It had a few more bumps in the road than I expected and they caused me to do some self-analyzing to ensure I was moving in the right direction, but it's been well worth the ride and has ignited a passion inside of me to love others better and to seek what is true in every aspect of life!! I couldn't have planned it more strategically for the next season of my life!! Thirty-to-tha-TWO, I don't know how you got here so fast, but I ain't mad atcha! Let's get this party started... TODAY! :)

PS- Thanks to all of my friends and family who are amazing and make my life THAT MUCH BETTER!!! No matter what changes in my life, you all remain a constant...I am so thankful for the love you all give me day in and day out! I hope that I can support and love you, the way you have done for me. Forever grateful and feeling very loved today!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ah to be young again... just for a night

OMGosh! OMGosh! OMGosh! Giddy. Do you remember that feeling? You know, the "OMG-the-boy-I've-been-doodling-about-in-my-spanish binder (ok, not just spanish)-just-left-a-note-in-my-locker-and-he-likes-me!!!" giddy feeling you got in high school? If you don't know it, what the heck did you day dream about when you were sitting in class?! I'm pretty sure that was ONE of the parts (if not the only part) of high school that any of us would want to recreate. At least that's my opinion* Anyway, last night I had the priveledge of going to see Boyz II Men in concert and that is just where they took me. Back. Waaaay back.

I'm not sure how else to describe last night other than epic; I get giddy just thinking about it. I got lost in their songs, their moves (yep, they still got 'em), and their larger-than-life, iconic voices... And so did everyone else in that building. At times, the concert was pretty much a sing-along and nobody cared if their the person next to them was singing too loud, off pitch, or bumping into them as they swayed back and forth to the timeless songs coming off that stage.. And that was because we were in the presence of Boyz II Men. It was all so surreal. If someone would've told me when I went to see Boyz II Men that I was going to feel like a teenager again, I would've laughed at them and said something like "Whatever, I don't get silly over celebs." And I don't. NORMALLY. But last night was different... Maybe I was off my game or something, but they got me. They had me swooning, screaming and giggling like I was 15 again. And I loved it. I feel like I should be embarassed, but I'm not. lol. I had a ball.

It's like they always say, "if you got it, you got it." And BoyzIIMen, yeah, they got it....

*Sans High School Athletics and the lack of adult responsibility