9/11: Ten Years Later

Can it really be? I'm sitting here watching a tribute to 9/11. How is it that ten years have passed and those images and memories of that dreadful day are still burned into my mind so vividly? The ironic thing to me is that I'm doing exactly the same thing I was doing ten years ago: Sitting on the couch, glued to the television heartbroken and watching in disbelief. But there is a difference in my astonishment tonight than on that ominous Tuesday morning. That difference I feel tonight lies somewhere between the sucker punch that left our country shocked and gasping for air, and the growth, hope and resilience that has transpired since that fateful morning.

It seems foreign to me that there will come a day when people may not remember EXACTLY where they were and then sense of confusion, fear and brokenness they felt when they found out that the Twin Towers were hit. Not that anyone could possibly forget that day, but hey, we won't be around forever to tell the story. The story of how we overcame as a nation by coming together, determined to protect what the enemy had not destroyed. Our pride, our resolve, and our faith.

Our nation is still rebuilding from that haunting day and the fact that you and I are still here brings responsibility to remember and to honor the people who lost their lives. Pray for their families comfort and strength. The days will pass and distance us further and further in time from those horrific acts, but we must remember for those who can't. Our nation can win the war on terrorism but for the people who lost loved ones, they will never get them back. We will never be able to turn back the hands of time and changed that moment in history, but we can remember how it changed us; how it changed our nation and made us stronger.

It's never quite what we expect, is it??

DAY 40!!!!!!!

I have draft posts of the last week that I have missed while traveling and moving. I will get to them soon hopefully but I wanted to post today because today is the end of my 40 Days to Colorado!

Holy crap did that go fast. But I am here, and well, I'm partially settled. You will read in my posts leading up to this (once I finish them) that the past two days were not quite what I expected. I was positive that me moving to Colorado was a mistake, but at the same time prudently hopeful that God would prove those feelings faulty. And... He... Did....

Tonight was my orientation for the MAC program at CCU. It began by one of the professors opening in prayer and I don't know why that took me by surprise, being that I'm attending a Christian school, but it did. It was refreshing. Then we did a 5 minute devotion that asked the question, do you truly believe that God loves you?.... 'Well, do you, Katie?' It was like God was talking directly to my heart. 'Do you really think I would bring you out here with no purpose or by mistake? Do you trust that I love you and have a plan for bringing you out to this strange place? I need you to know my love for you. Your uncertainty of my love will continue to cause doubt and inhibit you from completing the purposes I have for you. I love you, I NEED you to believe that even when you don't understand what's going on around you.'

Well, if that wasn't a way to start off orientation! Did the faculty know that I struggle to believe that, at times when I feel like God has forgotten me or neglected me??? Probably not. But I think their reason for asking that question is because when we don't believe that God loves us right where we are, not for who we are supposed to be, we preclude ourselves from being used completely by God. Yes, I know, He can use us no matter what we believe, but when we walk through this journey completely knowing and trusting that God truly loves us, my guess is, the experience is completely different and more vibrant than we could ever imagine. My prayer is to know that love in a deeper way than I have ever known and that God would use this experience out here to draw me to Him.

All that to be said, after hearing my professors talk about their heart for us as students, the program and what they expect from us my fears of this move being a mistake quickly faded. Yes, it's different here. Yes, it's not quite what I expected. Yes, I will have to find a new normal and I'm not quite certain what that will look like yet. But I am confident that God is good and He does love me. I pray that He will continue to allow me to know more of His love and to help me in my unbelief when I don't understand. This is going to be an interesting ride... but I'm in for the long haul and can't wait to see what it brings!

It seems like 40 days went by in the blink of an eye and I know I didn't blog EVERY day, but I was close and will be interested to look back on these entries next year at this time and see how I'm feeling. Hopefully I will continue to be more consistent with blogging as it's been a great stress relief for me, while also being able to record the different ups and downs of this journey! It's like my rock of rememberance! I'm not sure how much time I will have being that I know I will have a lot of reading and writing for my classes, but I hope to keep up with it at least weekly. Until next time....

The State That Never Ends....

Tuesday, Day 37:

We are soooo close. So close to our destination. So close to my new home. So close but so far away. Today we went through Missouri and some of Kansas. My good friend, Marcus, lives in Kansas, so we got to meet up with him for some down home Kansas City BBQ. It was so fun to see him again. He walked us through KU's campus and we got a quick glimpse of the Jayhawk's two-a-day practices for football. After Marcus took us around his stomping grounds at KU, Dad and I hit the road again. We wanted to get a few hours closer to Colorado so we won't have to wake up so early (my idea) tomorrow to meet the movers by 3.

Have you ever driven through Kansas? Let me tell you. It....is...a....long....state. Beautiful. But you can only look at corn fields, windmills, cow pastures and more fields for so long. It's amazing to think that about the men and women who tend to this beautiful land and how much work it takes to keep them producing for us city folk :D The land is so rich out here and while it is breath taking to see... I'm ready to see some mountains. AND SOON!!

Thanks Dad for road tripping with me! You've been a rock star... I couldn't have done it with out you!!!!!!

Reunited and it feels so good (lol)! All SMILES!! Good food and friends!

Road Trip Partners!

Longest Road... EVER.

Beautiful fields of Kansas

Just some of the windmills....

COLORAD-HO!!!! Day 35

Let's go!!! Dad and I are on our way... WE ARE IN THE Uhaul now and he is currently driving over the bumps along side of the road (to make sure I'm awake, he claims). I have jotted thoughts down through out the week for each of the days I've missed from this last week but haven't had enough time to put them together quite yet...I'm hoping I will have a chance next week after I'm settled in COLORADO!

It's been a beautiful ride so far....

Buried Treasures... Kind of.

Day 32 and 33

These past two days has been when the manual preparation begins. A lot of sorting, trashing, packing, and more packing. Thank God about 70 percent of my stuff is in storage and already in boxes because the 30 percent that I've done in the last two days is enough for me. After going through this portion of my belongings I'm starting to feel like I belong on that show 'Hoarders' (gag me now please... I seriously could throw up when I watch that show). Let me explain. The stuff that I have here at the Campbell's house was all considered 'must have' when moving out of my condo in March so I really shouldn't have very much as far as supplementary items to go through. Must have... You mean the must have shin guards that I keep around just in case Pia Sundhage calls and wants me to come practice with the team? Yes. Well.... it could happen. And if it does, I will be prepared. That's all I'm saying.....I like to be prepared.

Other than an important pair of shin guards, I also found something I was not prepared for; I found validity in a few letters lying underneath a pile of dust in my nightstand. As I began reading the first letter, an apology letter of sorts, I had to laugh. I started feeling crazy that I had ever let the author get to me the way he did. Even in his "apology" letter, I was being blamed for the disintegration of what might have been between us. I mean, who writes an apology letter and then blames you in the same breath...on the same piece of paper! I remember all the times he ran me in circles with his words when we disagreed and by the end I wouldn't even remember what we were arguing about. These moments use to make me feel like I was nuts. But there it was in BLACK AND WHITE. I wasn't crazy, and reading that letter with a clear head and no emotion tied to the words on that paper, reminded me of how blind love can be sometimes. Thank God for His protection!

I'm not sure why I ever kept those letters, but I'm glad that I did. I tossed the letters today, but kept the shin guards (just. in. case). I'm moving and need all the space I can get! They served their purpose and need not come with me on my journey to Colorado.... What's in the past, should stay in the past. No need to bring all the extra baggage with me!

Pardon the Interruption but....

MY LITTLE SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!! I am thrilled for her and Jess (her fiance) and couldn't be more excited for them and the step they are about to take! I can only imagine the elation Meggo feels about getting to marry and do life with this amazing man that loves her so completely. I say completely because although I've only seen them together for the sum of a couple weeks, that's just what he does. I've not ever seen Megan so herself with someone and so confident in who she is. Megan was the free spirit in our family growing up and I'm thankful that with Jess she has felt the freedom to remain as such.

It makes my heart happy to know she will be marrying someone who lovingly encourages her to be 'Meggo,' cares enough to challenge her when she needs it (somehow he gets her to listen!), and will love her through the ups and downs of life, as they walk the path to which God has called them. Jess is a lucky guy because that Meggo, well, she's a good one! She's playful, and smart, funny and loyal and she's pretty much capable of doing anything she sets her mind to! There's no doubt in my mind that they will bring the best out in each other and double their joy as they join each other as husband and wife! Love you two! Jess, I can't wait for you to be a part of our family!!

Words_My sentiments...

Day 30: Tuesday

Ambivalent (about leaving the ones I love)

Excited (to start this new chapter).

Scared (that I quit my job in this volatile economy).

Hopeful (for all of the new possibilities).

Butterflies (about making new friends and the first day of school).

Curious (of the future unknowns in this move).

Ready (for ups and downs).

Confident (because I am NOT alone).

*yes, I'm a couple days behind. I'm going to blame it on two things. 1. Megan's engagement. and 2. Settlers of Catan (and 2a. Amy and David FORCING me to play Settlers of Catan EVERY night)