Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Cloud of Grey Muck

I think it's a valid statement to say that most people have at some point in their life have felt a void or had some sort of empty feeling. God made us with those voids so we would need Him to complete us and ultimately seek him for wholeness. But too often that's not the route we take because God doesn't always fill us in a tangible way. And we in our human nature often want to tangibly FEEL the things in which we believe. We don't always feel whole, although through Him we are. So I've been thinking about this for the past couple days b/c I seem to have a few friends and aquaintances in situations that I have labeled the Grey Area in dating. Grey area dating normally starts off as a fun, seemingly harmless distraction in the form of a relationship, from whatever it is that's causing angst, heartache, emptiness or hurt in your life. I think a good number of us have probably done this before but not even realized it until it's too late. Grey area dating starts off as a crutch or diversion from whatever it is that's crippling your soul or just making you feel like you're missing something or someone in your everyday life. The relationship, if you can call it that, is not predicated on love, honor and respect but more often as a means to make life a little more fun and a lot less lonely. It's a quick fix for loneliness, if you will.

Come on, you've been there before... when a good book and some ColdStone on a Thursday night just won't cut it anymore. Before you know it the guy or girl that you considered as strictly friend material is all of the sudden seen in a different light.... "maybe his arrogence isn't THAT bad, at least he's confident (what?!)," or "her materialistic approach to life could possibly be outweighed by her looks if you squint really hard" (yes guys get involved with Grey Area Dating too) because for a brief moment in time (or lapse in sanity) the thought of companionship, even if it isn't God's best for us, sounds better than eating another pint of icecream and watching a rerun of Grey's Anatomy alone or another night of poker with the guys. So it begins. The downward spiral of Grey Area Dating. It becomes this breeding ground for emotional instability because you and the other G.A.D. (Grey Area Dater) using each other to fill a need that was never meant to be filled by either party. At first everything is great, the interruption of your icecream and quality time with Meredith Grey and her coworkers is welcomed and always enjoyed. It's new, it's exciting and often times feels like you're making progress to filling this void that has reared it's ugly head again. Your problems have all magically vanished and life is good. Then the next thing you know, lines are crossed, feelings deveop but neither one knows if what they're feeling is out of selfish motives or genuwine care for the other person. I guess at times it's possible to be both. But never the less, the ride has begun.

The problem with Grey Area Dating is most of the time there is no "defining the relationship" talk and the feelings go back and forth from elation, depression to down right confusion. But nothing is every said for fear that actual communication might scare the other one off and the bandaid each of you has become to the other will be ripped away with out a single word or warning. So all of the wounds and hurts that you were trying to bandage up with this pseudo-relationship all of the sudden are no longer covered but exposed. Great. The overarching theory behind your masterminded plan to forget about your issues has now just opened them to the elements. I guess that's the problem with Grey Area Dating. It doesn't really get to the root of the problem, it's just a way to distract you from what's really lying beneath it all. It's like hitting your thumb with a hammer in order to stop thinking about a broken ankle. Works for a brief moment but in the end, the pain is still there and needs time to heal and be strengthened.

All in all I guess we get involved in the mucky waters of Grey Area Dating because we're doing what we were made to do... seeking for something more. That emptiness that we feel is there to lead us to Christ and allow Him to give us our identity. Afterall He is the one who created us and knows who He has made us to be. I for one, wish that my faith wasn't so precarious and I would remember that in times that I felt a little lonely and sick of icecream! But I guess we can learn from the different paths we take in life and I'm thankful for that. I think God must watch us sometimes and either laugh or cry. We are quite amusing with our ideas of "fixing" our problems on our own!!


Amy said...

I thought you loved Grey's Anatomy though!? :-)

60 toes said...

very insightful post.

Although I do not date anymore I still find things that distract me from my "real issues" sometimes it is business, kids, activities, you name it.

Looking forward to your fantastic Friday post.