Friday, August 19, 2011

It's never quite what we expect, is it??

DAY 40!!!!!!!

I have draft posts of the last week that I have missed while traveling and moving. I will get to them soon hopefully but I wanted to post today because today is the end of my 40 Days to Colorado!

Holy crap did that go fast. But I am here, and well, I'm partially settled. You will read in my posts leading up to this (once I finish them) that the past two days were not quite what I expected. I was positive that me moving to Colorado was a mistake, but at the same time prudently hopeful that God would prove those feelings faulty. And... He... Did....

Tonight was my orientation for the MAC program at CCU. It began by one of the professors opening in prayer and I don't know why that took me by surprise, being that I'm attending a Christian school, but it did. It was refreshing. Then we did a 5 minute devotion that asked the question, do you truly believe that God loves you?.... 'Well, do you, Katie?' It was like God was talking directly to my heart. 'Do you really think I would bring you out here with no purpose or by mistake? Do you trust that I love you and have a plan for bringing you out to this strange place? I need you to know my love for you. Your uncertainty of my love will continue to cause doubt and inhibit you from completing the purposes I have for you. I love you, I NEED you to believe that even when you don't understand what's going on around you.'

Well, if that wasn't a way to start off orientation! Did the faculty know that I struggle to believe that, at times when I feel like God has forgotten me or neglected me??? Probably not. But I think their reason for asking that question is because when we don't believe that God loves us right where we are, not for who we are supposed to be, we preclude ourselves from being used completely by God. Yes, I know, He can use us no matter what we believe, but when we walk through this journey completely knowing and trusting that God truly loves us, my guess is, the experience is completely different and more vibrant than we could ever imagine. My prayer is to know that love in a deeper way than I have ever known and that God would use this experience out here to draw me to Him.

All that to be said, after hearing my professors talk about their heart for us as students, the program and what they expect from us my fears of this move being a mistake quickly faded. Yes, it's different here. Yes, it's not quite what I expected. Yes, I will have to find a new normal and I'm not quite certain what that will look like yet. But I am confident that God is good and He does love me. I pray that He will continue to allow me to know more of His love and to help me in my unbelief when I don't understand. This is going to be an interesting ride... but I'm in for the long haul and can't wait to see what it brings!

It seems like 40 days went by in the blink of an eye and I know I didn't blog EVERY day, but I was close and will be interested to look back on these entries next year at this time and see how I'm feeling. Hopefully I will continue to be more consistent with blogging as it's been a great stress relief for me, while also being able to record the different ups and downs of this journey! It's like my rock of rememberance! I'm not sure how much time I will have being that I know I will have a lot of reading and writing for my classes, but I hope to keep up with it at least weekly. Until next time....

1 comment:

Full of JOY said...

Beautiful post, girl. I remember feeling the SAME way when I went to Bible college and my professor prayed before class. It's a pretty awesome feeling. I'm really happy for you, girl. Miss you though.