9/11: Ten Years Later

Can it really be? I'm sitting here watching a tribute to 9/11. How is it that ten years have passed and those images and memories of that dreadful day are still burned into my mind so vividly? The ironic thing to me is that I'm doing exactly the same thing I was doing ten years ago: Sitting on the couch, glued to the television heartbroken and watching in disbelief. But there is a difference in my astonishment tonight than on that ominous Tuesday morning. That difference I feel tonight lies somewhere between the sucker punch that left our country shocked and gasping for air, and the growth, hope and resilience that has transpired since that fateful morning.

It seems foreign to me that there will come a day when people may not remember EXACTLY where they were and then sense of confusion, fear and brokenness they felt when they found out that the Twin Towers were hit. Not that anyone could possibly forget that day, but hey, we won't be around forever to tell the story. The story of how we overcame as a nation by coming together, determined to protect what the enemy had not destroyed. Our pride, our resolve, and our faith.

Our nation is still rebuilding from that haunting day and the fact that you and I are still here brings responsibility to remember and to honor the people who lost their lives. Pray for their families comfort and strength. The days will pass and distance us further and further in time from those horrific acts, but we must remember for those who can't. Our nation can win the war on terrorism but for the people who lost loved ones, they will never get them back. We will never be able to turn back the hands of time and changed that moment in history, but we can remember how it changed us; how it changed our nation and made us stronger.

It's never quite what we expect, is it??

DAY 40!!!!!!!

I have draft posts of the last week that I have missed while traveling and moving. I will get to them soon hopefully but I wanted to post today because today is the end of my 40 Days to Colorado!

Holy crap did that go fast. But I am here, and well, I'm partially settled. You will read in my posts leading up to this (once I finish them) that the past two days were not quite what I expected. I was positive that me moving to Colorado was a mistake, but at the same time prudently hopeful that God would prove those feelings faulty. And... He... Did....

Tonight was my orientation for the MAC program at CCU. It began by one of the professors opening in prayer and I don't know why that took me by surprise, being that I'm attending a Christian school, but it did. It was refreshing. Then we did a 5 minute devotion that asked the question, do you truly believe that God loves you?.... 'Well, do you, Katie?' It was like God was talking directly to my heart. 'Do you really think I would bring you out here with no purpose or by mistake? Do you trust that I love you and have a plan for bringing you out to this strange place? I need you to know my love for you. Your uncertainty of my love will continue to cause doubt and inhibit you from completing the purposes I have for you. I love you, I NEED you to believe that even when you don't understand what's going on around you.'

Well, if that wasn't a way to start off orientation! Did the faculty know that I struggle to believe that, at times when I feel like God has forgotten me or neglected me??? Probably not. But I think their reason for asking that question is because when we don't believe that God loves us right where we are, not for who we are supposed to be, we preclude ourselves from being used completely by God. Yes, I know, He can use us no matter what we believe, but when we walk through this journey completely knowing and trusting that God truly loves us, my guess is, the experience is completely different and more vibrant than we could ever imagine. My prayer is to know that love in a deeper way than I have ever known and that God would use this experience out here to draw me to Him.

All that to be said, after hearing my professors talk about their heart for us as students, the program and what they expect from us my fears of this move being a mistake quickly faded. Yes, it's different here. Yes, it's not quite what I expected. Yes, I will have to find a new normal and I'm not quite certain what that will look like yet. But I am confident that God is good and He does love me. I pray that He will continue to allow me to know more of His love and to help me in my unbelief when I don't understand. This is going to be an interesting ride... but I'm in for the long haul and can't wait to see what it brings!

It seems like 40 days went by in the blink of an eye and I know I didn't blog EVERY day, but I was close and will be interested to look back on these entries next year at this time and see how I'm feeling. Hopefully I will continue to be more consistent with blogging as it's been a great stress relief for me, while also being able to record the different ups and downs of this journey! It's like my rock of rememberance! I'm not sure how much time I will have being that I know I will have a lot of reading and writing for my classes, but I hope to keep up with it at least weekly. Until next time....

The State That Never Ends....

Tuesday, Day 37:

We are soooo close. So close to our destination. So close to my new home. So close but so far away. Today we went through Missouri and some of Kansas. My good friend, Marcus, lives in Kansas, so we got to meet up with him for some down home Kansas City BBQ. It was so fun to see him again. He walked us through KU's campus and we got a quick glimpse of the Jayhawk's two-a-day practices for football. After Marcus took us around his stomping grounds at KU, Dad and I hit the road again. We wanted to get a few hours closer to Colorado so we won't have to wake up so early (my idea) tomorrow to meet the movers by 3.

Have you ever driven through Kansas? Let me tell you. It....is...a....long....state. Beautiful. But you can only look at corn fields, windmills, cow pastures and more fields for so long. It's amazing to think that about the men and women who tend to this beautiful land and how much work it takes to keep them producing for us city folk :D The land is so rich out here and while it is breath taking to see... I'm ready to see some mountains. AND SOON!!

Thanks Dad for road tripping with me! You've been a rock star... I couldn't have done it with out you!!!!!!

Reunited and it feels so good (lol)! All SMILES!! Good food and friends!

Road Trip Partners!

Longest Road... EVER.

Beautiful fields of Kansas

Just some of the windmills....

COLORAD-HO!!!! Day 35

Let's go!!! Dad and I are on our way... WE ARE IN THE Uhaul now and he is currently driving over the bumps along side of the road (to make sure I'm awake, he claims). I have jotted thoughts down through out the week for each of the days I've missed from this last week but haven't had enough time to put them together quite yet...I'm hoping I will have a chance next week after I'm settled in COLORADO!

It's been a beautiful ride so far....

Buried Treasures... Kind of.

Day 32 and 33

These past two days has been when the manual preparation begins. A lot of sorting, trashing, packing, and more packing. Thank God about 70 percent of my stuff is in storage and already in boxes because the 30 percent that I've done in the last two days is enough for me. After going through this portion of my belongings I'm starting to feel like I belong on that show 'Hoarders' (gag me now please... I seriously could throw up when I watch that show). Let me explain. The stuff that I have here at the Campbell's house was all considered 'must have' when moving out of my condo in March so I really shouldn't have very much as far as supplementary items to go through. Must have... You mean the must have shin guards that I keep around just in case Pia Sundhage calls and wants me to come practice with the team? Yes. Well.... it could happen. And if it does, I will be prepared. That's all I'm saying.....I like to be prepared.

Other than an important pair of shin guards, I also found something I was not prepared for; I found validity in a few letters lying underneath a pile of dust in my nightstand. As I began reading the first letter, an apology letter of sorts, I had to laugh. I started feeling crazy that I had ever let the author get to me the way he did. Even in his "apology" letter, I was being blamed for the disintegration of what might have been between us. I mean, who writes an apology letter and then blames you in the same breath...on the same piece of paper! I remember all the times he ran me in circles with his words when we disagreed and by the end I wouldn't even remember what we were arguing about. These moments use to make me feel like I was nuts. But there it was in BLACK AND WHITE. I wasn't crazy, and reading that letter with a clear head and no emotion tied to the words on that paper, reminded me of how blind love can be sometimes. Thank God for His protection!

I'm not sure why I ever kept those letters, but I'm glad that I did. I tossed the letters today, but kept the shin guards (just. in. case). I'm moving and need all the space I can get! They served their purpose and need not come with me on my journey to Colorado.... What's in the past, should stay in the past. No need to bring all the extra baggage with me!

Pardon the Interruption but....

MY LITTLE SISTER IS ENGAGED!!!! I am thrilled for her and Jess (her fiance) and couldn't be more excited for them and the step they are about to take! I can only imagine the elation Meggo feels about getting to marry and do life with this amazing man that loves her so completely. I say completely because although I've only seen them together for the sum of a couple weeks, that's just what he does. I've not ever seen Megan so herself with someone and so confident in who she is. Megan was the free spirit in our family growing up and I'm thankful that with Jess she has felt the freedom to remain as such.

It makes my heart happy to know she will be marrying someone who lovingly encourages her to be 'Meggo,' cares enough to challenge her when she needs it (somehow he gets her to listen!), and will love her through the ups and downs of life, as they walk the path to which God has called them. Jess is a lucky guy because that Meggo, well, she's a good one! She's playful, and smart, funny and loyal and she's pretty much capable of doing anything she sets her mind to! There's no doubt in my mind that they will bring the best out in each other and double their joy as they join each other as husband and wife! Love you two! Jess, I can't wait for you to be a part of our family!!

Words_My sentiments...

Day 30: Tuesday

Ambivalent (about leaving the ones I love)

Excited (to start this new chapter).

Scared (that I quit my job in this volatile economy).

Hopeful (for all of the new possibilities).

Butterflies (about making new friends and the first day of school).

Curious (of the future unknowns in this move).

Ready (for ups and downs).

Confident (because I am NOT alone).

*yes, I'm a couple days behind. I'm going to blame it on two things. 1. Megan's engagement. and 2. Settlers of Catan (and 2a. Amy and David FORCING me to play Settlers of Catan EVERY night)

Quality time :D

Day 29:

What a perfect Monday so far. Amy and I took M & W to the park today and it couldn't have been a more beautiful summer's day here in Virginia. We packed lunch too, so we had ourselves a little picnic to top it all off! It's one of those days I'm gonna store in my memory bank and let it call a smile to my face when I remember it. I know in my head there must be things I need to do in preparation for this move, but I honestly feel like I'm ready to go. Sans actually being packed up by the movers. I guess my mind knows I need to soak up all the quality time I can get with the people I love before I leave so the actual tasks are getting pushed to the back burner. They'll get done. They always do. And if they don't, well, I'll still end up in Colorado. Maybe I'll be missing a suitcase of clothes, but I can recover those.... What I can't get back are days like today, and getting to love on M & W, and spend time with my sis!

The other night M climbed up to where we had W positioned in the little nook of the couch. He almost squished her out of excitement to be sitting next to her. Then he put his finger into W's hand and looked at Amy with is hand out for her to grab. As she did, he looked at me and then David and said "other one." He wanted all of us to hold hands. Amy asked him, "are we going to pray?" His grin turned into a full blown smile and he closed his eyes. Then he followed with the sweetest voice he could possibly talk in, one that would melt anyone's heart. He said, "Dear God..... thank you (for) dede...... thank you (for) mommy....... thank you (for) W......... and thank you (for) daddy... ..... ALL DONE." I almost turned to mush right then and there. I love that little boy. I'm not sure what provoked him to do that but it was just one more little moment* to store in my memory bank and take with me to Colorado.

*David beat Amy and I in Settlers AGAIN tonight. This is a memory I would not mind forgetting!! GAH!!!!!

Let the count down begin (as if it hasn't already)...

In just one week, my dad and I will be on our way to Colorado!!! I started this series of blog posts so I could record this journey and have these posts jog my memory as to how the heck I got to Colorado. Lord knows, I need a little catalyst to spark my memory at times! In saying that, I'm sure that not every post has been SUPER intriguing or all that captivating. But hey, that's life isn't it? My life is not an action packed, non-stop thriller movie (every day), so I guess my posts will reflect that if I'm posting on a more regular basis. Hopefully by the end of this, I won't have run anyone off by some of the ridiculously unstimulating posts.

All that to say, I'm glad I'm doing this. Albeit, at times I don't have tons to say about this move other than it's happening and, at this point, it's happening soon, but I know I'll be glad I did it in the future. I want to get it all out on paper because I want to remember this. I want to remember what I'm feeling. Where God has led and continues to lead me. All of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly of this journey.... t-minus 6 days and a wake up!

The ups and DOWNS of change....

Day 27:

My move date is getting nearer, which means having to say good bye to the Campbell family is also quickly coming up. OH GAHHHHH. Tell me how am I supposed to say good bye to this little face:

.... or these kissable cheeks:

I'm not looking forward to that moment. NOT. ONE. BIT. I will undoubtedly be a basket case that day. Sorry Dad, but you'll be driving next to a blubbering psycho for the first few hours of our road trip!

Last day of work

Day 26:

Today I said good bye to my cubicle life (for now and hopefully forever) and hello to the unknown and opportunity! I truthfully don't know what this new life will bring, but for some reason today, that seems kind of exciting and surprisingly freeing. I wasn't doing cartwheels as I walked through the parking garage to my car, but almost shook my head in disbelief that I was finished. Finished with that chapter of my career, finished with this Virginia chapter of my story...at least for now.

I don't know, maybe God will bring me back to this area. Maybe He won't. That's the exciting thing. There are so many options and so many variables that I couldn't possibly guess what will come out of this new chapter and where I will end up! I just have to keep walking, keep pursuing Him, keep chasing after this dream....just keep on keepin' on as they say, and hopefully, I'll come out of this knowing more of Him, more of myself, and how to let God love others through me in whatever way He sees fit.

Just your average video conference....

Day 25:

Video conferences. I'm not sure how yours go down at work, but the ones I attend are some what comical. Not comical because of the content but more so because of the people attending. Normally I tend to get out of most of the video conferences that are held in my office because well, my boss is awesome, and he sees no point in wasting ALL of our time, so he only makes one or two of us attend. Being the only one in VA from our department, I guess some how I win out in the "who has to go to the video conference" category. WINNING. Although I will say I thoroughly enjoy watching certain people choose their seat based on which one they think will get their best angle (do they not know that the whole image is distorted at best and it doesn't matter who you are, you look like a pixelated blog half the time anyway?? I'm just sayin)... or when the loud inappropriate co-worker can't hold his tongue and you start playing the see-if-you-can-mute-it-before-he-gets-himself-fired game (for his sake). But those are about the only parts I actually enjoy.....

Except for today. Somehow I got roped into a video conference and I was thinking to myself "man, the day before I'm out of here and I gotta go to this thing! Well, at least I can say bye to the people in Texas, since I won't see them before I resign." I guess it should've seemed odd to me that I had NO idea what the meeting was about, but with all the out processing, cleaning and things whirling through right now, it just didn't dawn on me. I sat down and watched the said people do their norm... frantically get there 30 seconds before the call is supposed to happen and then painstakingly choose their seat (remember, we're all pixelated blogs...JUST SIT DOWN ALREADY).

As the meeting started, my boss instead of our director, took the lead and all of the sudden I could feel my stomach drop and my face get hot. They were throwing me a SURPRISE goodbye party!!! It was really so sweet and they were all so proud that they actually surprised me with their sneaky little plan. Here's the thing about me. I LOVE surprises. Or it's more I love the meaning behind surprises.... That someone is thinking about you and how to make you feel special and or appreciated in a playful way. But what I forget about surprises is, all of the sudden the spotlight is on me 100% and I honestly never know what to do. Everybody's watching and I can be so awkward in these kind of moments. I never know quite what to say when I feel like the world is staring at me. It didn't help that Ken started chanting "SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH!" Thanks Ken. But as much as the spotlight made my stomach drop and my face turn red, I felt loved and supported today. I couldn't believe how encouraging they were about me taking this next step and going back to school. It was awesome. I couldn't have ended my career there with a better video conference call! I would give them all a shout out and say thanks, but I'm pretty sure none (maybe ONE) of them read my blog because they don't know about it! What the heck, I'll do it anyway... Thank you FMWRC - CR! You are the best! I'll carry this with me for a long time....

A little fact for you...

Day 24:

Still closing out at work and starting to say good byes at work... I just want to throw out a statistic for all of you stat lovers.....

IN TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY I WILL BE IN COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO!!!

Time keeps on tickin' tickin' tickin'.....

Day 23:

When did I get to the age that 5 years can slip right through your fingers like rushing waters of the Colorado River (wink)?? I guess it probably happened the same time my knees started falling apart and my neck started giving out. Or when I began opting for a glass of wine rather than a coke, rather a diet coke. I DRINK DIET COKE NOW FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I always said I would NEVER do that. Well, at least I've learned to never say never anymore....

Today I cleaned out my cubicle at work and was amazed at how quickly I could tear down, throw away and pack up 5 and a half years of work in about 8 hours. It's like it was nothing but a blink of an eye. I don't know how to explain it but the notion that I am about to move has seemed to hit me in waves. Or maybe something like peeling layers back from an onion. With each piece that gets pulled away, the skin gets thicker and more potent. Even when I started blogging my 40 days to Colorado it honestly felt.... almost like a dream or maybe a story I was telling and how I MIGHT feel IF I was moving to Colorado. But as my moving day inches closer minute by minute, things that I have known would change hit me in a different way. A very nostalgic way. My time here in VA was short... did I accomplish what I was supposed to do? Did I love well and let people see Jesus through my relationships with them? I hope so.

5 years use to seem like an eternity to me... Now I am wondering if 5 years will be enough time for me to gain the knowledge and experience that God wants me to have in order to care for the people brought into my life... But all of this thinking has also made me realize that I want to go at life with reckless abandon, soaking up everything it has to offer! The one thing I have the tendency to look back on thinking "I could've done so much more," is with my time. I will have plenty of time to waste or make good use of since I will be a student and possibly only working part time... My plan is to do more. Whether it's studying, working out, traveling, being intentional with my friends (new and old) and loved ones, serving others or just enjoying the moment in which God has me. I want this next five years to count. And there's no time to wait because before I know it, it'll be 2016 and time won't wait for me... We get this one life to live and I won't let myself be blogging about my shoulda, coulda, wouldas in 2016 (Lord willing)! I know I can't hold time in my hands and I'm fine with that. I kind of like that I prefer wine over (diet) coke now days as the days keep rolling over. It means I'm getting wiser, right? ;)

I Wish It Were a Monday... 'Cause That's My Fun Day!

Day 22:

Monday....I love Mondays, well, I love every other Monday to be exact. And today was one of the Mondays I love because today was my last Monday off (of work). My last CWS (compressed work schedule, oh how I will miss you). Which means, THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF WORK! That sounds crazy to me. The thought of the move gave me my first hint of butterflies today. I'm not sure if they are excited butterflies or, HOL-EEEY CRAP-I-Am-Moving-butterflies. Probably both. Who knows....But one thing is certain, Dad and I will be on the road in less than two weeks!

I spent my last Monday off to meet up with a friend that wasn't able to come to the bbq and then did a little shopping, had a great lunch and came home to hang with the Campbell clan (David's brother is here with his family too, so it was a full, high-energy house). I helped Amy cook dinner. By the way, cooking is so much more enjoyable when you cook with or for someone! And then got in a game of Settlers with A & D after the kids went down... It was a great day filled with no schedule and just quality time with people I love. I'm not sure I got much done for the move today but (none), but it'll get done some how. I'm not going to stress it, so you shouldn't either!

I am Full....

Days 19-21:

I had one crazy-busy weekend. Which is why I'm lumping days 19-21 together...don't judge me. I was busy prepping for a BBQ, enjoying the said BBQ and then relaxing after church on Sunday with my latest read, 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.' I could continue to make excuses as to why I didn't get around to blogging, and they would be good excuses, but excuses none the less. But the initial purpose of the '40 Days to Colorado' was for me to 1. become a more consistent blogger bye giving me some material to write about and 2. for me to record record this next step and transition in my life so I can look back and remember. Not for me to be so legalistic or concerned with blogging that I miss out on the moments in life that make you inhale a little deeper and exhale a little longer. And this weekend was filled with those moments.....

I had a BBQ with the intent of eating some good food, catching up and saying goodbye to friends that I may not have a chance to see prior to my move date. And it was... awesome. A bunch of friends came and I felt like I hardly sat down the whole night. I would jump from one person or group to another trying to make sure I got some quality time with everyone. By the end of the night, I was exhausted. Not just physically, but socially too! After getting up early to prepare (Amy and Julie M. helped too...thanks!) the appetiezers, sides, desserts and last minute items, eating too much, then hanging out at the BBQ until about 1130pm, I was ready to melt into my bed as soon as I got home. But I hadn't quite faded into lala land before a statement from the party resonated with me as it flashed through my mind, "My love tank is full." And it was. I think I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face, good food in my tummy and gratitude in my heart. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of friendship.

On Second Thought...Day 18

It never fails. I make a plan. The plan changes. It's one of those things in my life... I KNOW it's going to happen so I often wonder why I ever bother with the initial plan in the first place. It almost never goes down the way it's planned, and I'm okay with that because usually the second, no third plan is more efficient and/or more successful than the first because I've had time to logically think about it. I think my issue is that I'm so dag'gon impatient. If something needs to be planned, I like to get it done and out of the way so I don't have to think about it anymore. Problem is, I DO still think about it and I think of better ways to get it done (which isn't really a problem, I guess). It's almost like the first plan is just a rough draft for me or something. Man, wouldn't it be nice to have a rough draft for different scenarios in life??? I certainly wouldn't have wasted my time, energy and emotions on a couple ex-boyfriends. What about that time I grabbed a pair sweats out of the dryer and headed to my league basketball game and after the game while talking to the guys, put them on only to have a pair of leopard skin under ware fly out the bottom of the leg right smack dab in the middle of our huddle.* "...just a little edit right there and a delete over here....PERFECT!"

The point of all this?? I re-mapped Dad and my trip out to Colorado today... I was notified that the movers on the west end of things couldn't start the job any later than 3pm on the 17th. Which would've meant Dad and I were up at 0330 (that's am for you non-military types) to get there by 3pm! Sooooo.... an edit was necessary to my original plan. Go figure. Ah well, we will still get to spend time with my friend Marcus in Kansas and we will get there with time to spare (Lord willing) on the 17th, so all is good in my little planners world!

*that may or may not have happened to me :D

Foreign to Native: Day 17

Day 17:

You know that lost feeling you get after purchasing a new phone? Trying to navigate through the functions and figure your way out through the apps... it can seem so foreign at first. I got a new-to-me phone today and have fumbled my way through it as time has permitted. I can do things like, make a phone call, answer a phone call, receive/send a text, open my calendar, get on facebook.... I have figured out how to do most everything I want to do on it.... but it just takes me, what feels like, eons longer to do them than with my old phone. It's not because one phone is better than the other (except for the fact that my old one had a mind of its own), it's just that it's different. As I maneuvered my way through to figure out how to do the simplest of things, I started to think about Colorado and what being, no living, in a new city will feel like. I mean really, the last time I moved to a NEW city was in 2002 and it was at least in the same area of familiarity to me so I kind of knew what to expect...

My guess is that moving to Colorado is going to be kind of like getting my new-to-me phone that I am holding right now. It will be different, exciting, fun, but frustrating at times because I won't know how to do even the simplest of things without asking someone or googling "how-to" and getting the information off the web. Which is fine. But slightly annoying too. I will be out of my comfort zone and have to re-learn things, depend on others for help (I hate that) and ask lots of questions in order to become familiar with my new setting. But in the end, just like getting a new phone, I'm sure I will discover new things, use it to its full capacity, and come to absolutely love it as I see what it has to offer! And soon I will wonder how I ever lived without it!!

I Get by with a Little Help From my Friends ;)

I've been having issues with my phone lately. grrrr. It's so frustrating. I thought about going to upgrade because I am eligible to do so. With the move and all, I'm trying to pinch pennies where ever I can, so getting the iphone just because a couple of apps weren't working seemed frivolous when I could just wait until the NEW comes out in September. That would be the responsible thing to do. Because really it's not a matter of IF I'm going to get it, it's just when. right?!

Well, I went into the Verizon store to get some technical help for my phone and they told me "yeah, sorry, there's nothing we can do because you're having issues with a third party...." blah blah blah... And it happened, visions of me looking oh-so-chic with my new WHITE iphone up to my face, chatting away with one of my trendy friends who, of course, was holding an iphone on the other end too. I would get a hip little carrying case for it and people would think (because of my phone) "that girl is with it" as I walked by with my nose up. And all would be swell.

Okay, Okay, I will stop drinking the haterade. Not all people with iphones are snobs... I just want one. But don't necessarily NEED one because the Android phones are really great too... But this is why I don't have an iphone, and really did happened after the "helpful" tech support I received was this. The conversation in my head went something like this:

Me (the Consumer KT)- Sweet! Iphone here I come!!!
Me (the Sensible KT)- Why don't you just wait until you get out to Colorado and see what kind of bills you have then?
CKT- Shut up. I'm not listening to you.
SKT- Seriously, let's think this through. Your phone works, it's just a couple apps (mainly facebook, you nerd) that is acting screwy. You don't NEED this right now and you may need to buy things like... oh I don't know, books, when you get out to Colorado!! And you never know how long it will take for your GI Bill money to kick in... just wait.
CKT- You are SUCH a downer. Can't you just enjoy the fact that I want to buy this for US?!
SKT- What if the NEW version comes out early in August?
CKT- I hate you. Fine. I'll wait.

.... And with that, I turned around and walked out of the store after thanking the "help" (for what I'm not sure). But the best thing about this story is my friend saw that I was having issues with my phone (on facebook, duh) and offered to send me her Samsung Fascinate until I could get a new phone! I mean, seriously!! Thank YOU, Sensible KT. Thank you for finally having some restraint... little as it was (discipline can have its reward). And thanks to Summer for your generosity (especially being that you've seen how often I have dropped my phone)!! I'll be careful with your phone, I promise!

Just Another Day in Paradise... Day 16

Day 16:

....and I'm inside (but not for long)!

Nothing too deep today... just been planning the move, getting Dad's airline ticket for after he drops me off, and looking at airfares for the different places I'd like to visit while I'm out on the west side of the country... one of those days that I don't want to be inside planning or doing anything else for that matter. It's finally not 100+ degrees and humid. It's beautiful outside and I feel like I should be enjoying it! I've hit the last 2/3's of my 40 day count down! Get ready, Colorado... here I come!!!

Stupid technology: Day 15

Day 15:

I absolutely love my smartphone... On most days. It is so great for people like me who can forget something as simple as "pick up some milk on the way home." I have, on average, 4 reminders a day for various things like that. But it's soooo helpful and soooo easy. I love it.

But then there are days like today.... Remember day 3 when I was all excited because I got a lot of the logistics done for my trip?? I had put ALL of the information into the "Notepad" application on my phone. Everything from my confirmation numbers for my uhaul to the phone numbers, times and names of the movers that I hired to help get me out to Colorado without racking up all my friends' chiropractor bills. Well, the other day I had to hard reset my so-called wonderful smartphone because it was having issues opening apps and just not running normally. No big deal, it save all the important stuff... or so I thought. Today I got a phone call from one of the movers and we discussed some logistics and when I opened Notepad to add the info to my "Colorado Move Info" note... you guessed it. IT WAS GONE. fml.

After a slight panic attack, I remembered that each company had sent me emails confirming the service they were providing and I immediately jumped on the computer to see if they were still in my mailbox. THANK God, they were. So all is well on the move side of things... I won't have random men showing up at my door (that I forgot about) because I didn't have a reminder set. I wonder if I need to go back to the hand held calendar just in case something like this happens again? I'm not sure I would even know how to use it! ;) I'll just back it up on my mac to make sure I have it in more than one place. Hopefully Colorado has Internet and cell phones, or I'll be in a world of hurt! :D

How I Got So "Brave".... continued: Day 14

Day 14:

Before I finish my story maybe actually defining the word brave will be beneficial for us (myself and you, the reader) to be on the same page. Brave: 1. having or showing courage: having or showing courage, especially when facing danger, difficulty, or pain. Now, after seeing it in black and white, I REALLY am not sure, actually I am quite certain, that this word should not be tagged as an adjective to describe me or my decision to move to Colorado. Let me explain....

When I think of bravery, I think of the Soldiers that volunteer to risk their lives so we can live free and safe in this country. I think of the kid that gets straight A's at school and then comes home to take care of his drunk father and protect his mom from the man who claims to love her. My decision, was not so severe. This was not your courageous, against all odds, Daniel in the Lions' den, you-may-loose-your-life-but-you-forge-ahead-for-the-cause-anyway decision. It just wasn't. My life is in no way going to be in anymore danger moving to Colorado, than if I stayed my butt here, working for the same company, in the same job, doing the same thing year after year....or would it?

Before I left on my deployment I had heard the rumors of our organizations move to Texas but truly didn't think that they would ever come to fruition. The government had postponed and delayed the move so many times that people said it would never happen. After my tour in Iraq, I knew change was coming. I just wasn't sure what that meant for me. The move was no longer a question mark, but an actuality. Which meant I had to make a decision. Moving with my job would mean a pay raise due to the cheaper cost of living, a new place (for my itchy feet), no more 45 inch winter snow storms! But for some reason, the thought of moving to San Antonio gave me so much angst and unrest that I started to explore other options. Maybe I just needed a change from the actual work I was doing, or something more challenging?

While on my quest to "stay in Virginia," going back to school had pricked my heart again (as it did 5 years ago) only be bandaged up and quickly pushed to the back of my options for multiple reasons, but mainly because the thought of going to school, working AND going into debt paying for school was overwhelming. I told a friend of mine about the crazy thought of going back to school for counseling and fully expected him to agree with me in saying that it was too expensive and remind me that paying off school debts is a nightmare. He didn't. Instead he said "what student loans would you have to take? You can use the Post 9-11 GI Bill. You'll get PAID to go to school! You should do it!!" ....Wait. What? "I'm eligible for that???" Turns out, I was. I wonder if God ever gets tired of having to use a 2x4 upside my head to get my attention. Thank God this 2x4 turned out to be paid education and no debt. I'll take it. (thank you, Lord, for your gracious ways when trying to get my attention)

And so the school search began...

I started out with a list of about 15 that was quickly narrowed down to five. I researched the shools, talked to people in the counseling field, and decided I would go visit the different schools. As it was, I had already planned a trip out to Colorado (before I even knew that going back to school was an option), and there were two schools out there that were on my list! I visited both schools while I was out visiting my friends in Colorado and just like I knew a change was coming before any of this began, I knew Colorado was where I was going to go to school. Both schools in Colorado have great programs but Colorado Christian University seemed to be a better fit for me. It was one of those moments that I just knew this was where I belonged, so much so that I applied when I returned from my trip and found out that I was accepted in the Spring. God was opening doors left and right as I continued walk forward in prayer with each step of the process. I most definitely didn't want to be in Colorado if that wasn't where I needed to be. I mean, there are BEARS in Colorado. And snow. Lots of it.

After my acceptance, it was just a matter of figuring all the logistics of moving, quitting my job, and everything else that comes with a life change like this one. Although, the logistics can be the most complicated part of it all. At least the most frustrating and tedious. But God has continued to open doors and make a way to get me out to Colorado, confirming the decision and conquering any doubts the so easily cloud my mind. I won't say that I'm not scared at times. I am. What if I fail? What if it's harder than I remember to be a student? What if I can't get a job after completing this program? What if, what if, what if... I could play that game forever. Some of the questions I can come up with are so ridiculous it's embarrassing. Yes, they are real fears that cause legitimate doubt at times, but I can't let my fear OR doubt control me. I am a child of God and I believe that He is ALWAYS working out His plan for the good of those that love Him. He is GOOD, whether one of my worst fears come true or not. Sometimes I think I worry too much about the outcome rather than the actual journey on which God has me.

I am a firm believer that 1. we have all been called to a journey here on earth, 2. God is ceaselessly working His plan out through all of us and our journies, and 3. God is less concerned with the actual location of our physical bodies than He is, the posture of our hearts. So when people say I'm brave for making such a big move, I think I understand the sentiment. There undoubtedly will be pain and difficulty, possibly danger (uhh, maybe). But I know God is with me and watching over me, so it doesn't seem all that brave. It seems more terrifying to have decided to move to Texas (keep my job) or stay in Virginia, ignoring God's nudges, just because it seemed less daungting than navigating the unknowns of a new chapter in my life. I am confident I'm in the right place and have made the right decision, which makes it hard for me to feel like I'm being brave or courageous about anything. So I guess that's how I got so brave... It's not really me not being scared or at times worried, but more so me knowing that the God I serve is with me!

Due Dates and Summer Saturdays

Day 13:

Since I'll be headed back to school in August, I figure I should get use to due dates and dead lines again. Although, in saying that, today has been a quite wonderfully summer-ish day and blogging is the last thing I want to do. I hung out with my two friends, A and C, in Glover Park (washington, dc) last night, and of course had a sluggish start to our morning. Then got motivated and made a simple brunch that gave us some energy to get up and out. Being that it was already 99 degrees at 11am, we decided that we needed to "pool-hop," also known as finding a pool with the best view of DC... Once we found this said pool, we lazied around the pool, talked while we sat in the luke warm pool, and then got some lunch. We then decided the best way to round out this hot summer's day was with some cupcakes from Crumbs. And it was a good decision.

Now I'm about to head off to the pool, again, with the Campbell clan to watch Matthew "Slam DUNK" in the pool basketball hoop, while eating take out from Outback. I knew I wouldn't have time to think of and write about everything that lead me to the decision of going back to school for Day 13 post, so today's post is in honor of due dates procrastination, and summer saturdays. And now that I completed day 13, it's time for me to head to the pool with the fam! I love summer Saturdays!!

You Can Call It Brave If You Want To - Day 12

Day 12: A confession of sorts.

Since my decision to move out to Colorado was made, I've had more than a few people tell me how brave I am. How they could never do it... "quitting my job, moving so far away, and to a new place as well! It just adds to the courageousness of it all. Just plain scary." And I guess they're right. It CAN be scary to move. Change can be down right intimidating and terrifying, while being very necessary and good all at once. But what I think people are missing when they dote on me and proclaim me as this brave sojourner going West, is they didn't get to experience everything leading up to that point. The REASONS I'm uprooting myself and chasing after this crazy dream.

Truth is, here comes the confession, I'm just not that brave. Unfortunately, I am not 90% adventurer and 10% realist.... I'm quite the contrary actually. I like to think things through and logically plan most of my decisions. I take precautions and am proactive with things that involve a change in my livelyhood and well being. This decision was not a flipant flip of the wrist, like I was throwing a penny somewhere into a large wishing well. Oh, if it were only that simple.

It all started when I came back from Iraq... I've mentioned it before, but that's when my itchy feet syndrome started. And no, I don't mean athlete's foot. I heard a friend use that phrase before, and until I got back from Iraq I didn't fully comprehend it's meaning. But really it's just a witty way of saying, I was ready for some kind of move or change. I couldn't bare the thought of standing still and being in the same place doing the same thing for the next 15 years of my life, although I really did enjoy my job for the most part. Hence the "itchy feet." I didn't think (or want) that change to end me up in Colorado, but here is how the story of my so-called bravery goes....

..... to be continued (Day 13) :D

Friends and Family Stick.... Kinda Like Glue: Days 10 & 11

The past couple days (we're going to call them Days 10 and 11) I have been busy getting things in order here in VA. Trying to decide about insurances, whether or not to go on leave without pay or just quit the government all together, the possible sale of my house. You know, fun stuff, like what utensil I should use to gauge out my eye. All this crap here makes me just want to be THERE already!

But then, there are the moments that transpire, moments that overflow my heart with joy because I know God is working. But more so, I know He is good and He is loving. In the past two days, I have been overwhelmed by how God can orchestrate and how He loves to comfort me. Whether it's through a long overdue lunch to catch up with a friend(s), or past acquaintances turned friends through empathy and a common bond. Or sometimes, the most exuberant and heart warming one of all, a big smiley face 21 month old boy running toward me as I walk in the door followed by a hug with a few pats... These moments may be something I will physically leave behind when I move to Colorado *tear*, but I will carry them with me for a long time. Moments that transcend any amount of distance, every time zone, or any type of change. Moments that brought me love, comfort, and clarity at just the right time. In His perfect timing.... They are snap shots of how God loves me (us) that need to be stored in my memory bank because I am so quick to forget how GOOD He is when things get tough. I have some amazing family and friends that God has blessed me with, and I will miss them dearly when I leave, but I think Mr. Buechner got it right in saying,

'You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live IN a world but a world lives IN you.' -- Frederick Buechner

*I'm not exactly sure who Frederick Buechner is, but he must've had friends like mine!!

Excitement With a Dash of Fear (at times): Days 6-9

You may not see it, but this '40 Days to Colorado' blog posting, has kept me more consistent as a blogger. And to be fair, when I say more consistent, you should know that I'm comparing myself to the emotions of a 15 year old girl. Yes, my blogging is more consistent than the emotional status of a teeny bopper. Thank you. Thank you very much. But in all honesty, I do FEEL like this challenge has in some way made me a more accountable blogger (you're welcome) and I actually am enjoying it. So, in true to form Katie Scott fashion, here are days 6, 7, 8 AND 9. Oh hush, cut a girl some slack!

I was in Nebraska (and we all know how busy Lincoln, NE can be!).

Day 6-8:

Well, like I said, I was in Nebraska so as far as actual preparation for my move.... let's just say I'm forgetting the past and moving forward! But I did, however, get plenty of invites to visit good ol' Nebraska while I was with my family. Which I loved. I got excited about moving all over again because it was brought to my attention that I would be living only 8-9 hours from my family in Lincoln! .... which, by the way, will afford me the opportunity to not only see my family, but also to make it to at LEAST one football game this year! GO BIG RED!!! Yippee! I guess living on the East Coast all my life, it didn't dawn on me that I would be within driving distance of my Crazy Rels, whom I love so very much! I anticipate a road trip or two after my move out to Colorado! I'm eager to explore and call new parts (to me) of the country home for a little while... having some sort of family around will make it that much sweeter!

Day 9:

Without sounding like a SNL Debbie Downer skit (hilarious, by the way...I love how they can't keep it together), the thought of moving to Colorado is sometimes a lonely thought. There are times that I feel ambivelant about doing this alone. On one hand, I know that it may not even be an option if I were married and had someone else's life to factor into the equation... I am so thankful for the freedom I have to make this opportunity but, on the other hand, I feel like it would be nice to have something (more so, someone) static, a teammate per say, to equalize some of the change and share the adventure with... Because it will, without a doubt, be an adventure! It's not every day that I feel so thwarted about doing this move with no companion, the adventurer inside of me is generally MUCH louder than 'Debs' and her anxious, annoying voice. But every once in a while, she rears her pathetic little self in hopes that she scares me out of going.... the Debbie Downer in me wants more than anything to be safe and comfortable. Not stretched and grown. But my itchy feet won't let me stay in the comforts of this place right now... This is my journey, that God is graciously letting me trek. He is with me... so whom should I fear?

Winter Break and a Healthier Life: Day 4 & 5

I got to Nebraska yesterday. Of course, not without being delayed 2.5 hours, but I'm here and it feels good. I've never lived in Nebraska, but over the course of my life I've probably come to visit (my extended fam) somewhere around 20 times. Which, by the way, when I saw my grandma last night and went to hug her, she had a huge smile on her face and then said, "now who are you??" LOL... At least by the end of the night she told my mom "I really liked that girl sitting across the table (me)." So even if Grandma Jean doesn't remember me, at least she likes me when I'm hanging out with her. Give her a break, she's 90! She was cute as can be and didn't want to stop playing chicken foot (dominoes) until she beat me one good time... I may have found where our competitive gene came from. It's strange because although I never lived here and apparently didn't get out here enough throughout my life, it still channels home for me. I guess it's because I'm with family and surrounded by love when I'm here. But I'll post more on this Nebraska trip another time.... I have some business to attend to and I owe you a day or two of my 40 days to Colorado. So without further ado....

Day 4:
Can I be frank with you? I did NOTHING for my move on Thursday.... But these post don't have to be about what I've done for my move, they can be anything RELATING TO my move or how I'm thinking or feeling because of it... Basically whatever I want. Get it? So for Day Four I'm going to talk about something I am incredibly excited about once I get out to Colorado. Something that, because of basketball, I have never been able to full advantage of... it's called WINTER BREAK and I am THRILLED that I will get one this year! Megan and I have already been planning our trip and I. CAN'T. WAIT.

Nothing is in stone yet, but it seems that the most appealing idea to us is me meeting her in China for a week and then going to BALI, soaking up all that Indonesia sun and romping around the island for a week! December can't get here fast enough! There will definitely be so tough things about being a student again, but this will most definitely be one of the perks! No wonder some people take 12 years to get through college... If I had known what I was missing out on maybe I would've got on that plan! But thank God for second chances right? This time around, there's no orange ball, plenty of time, and plenty of world to go see!!!

Day 5:
There's no denying that over the last 5 years, especially since my last knee surgery, I have become grossly out of shape. I have great plans for Colorado and one of them, is getting back in shape! I'm not talking Division I College Basketball in shape, but I am talking a shape other than round. I want to be able to get my cardio fitness up and shave a few (eh-hem) of these lbs that I've come all to accustom to, off! I'm not sure what my knees are going to allow me to do but I'm excited about all the different options there will be in Colorado AND the time being a student will afford me to use to figure out what's best for me.

Colorado, I'm comin' for ya!! Are you as excited as I am?!?

Mapping skillz... I got 'em

Day 3:

I did do some preparation for my move this week and feel quite accomplished because.....

I mapped out Dad and my route to Colorado Springs!!! We'll see if this route is efficient enough for Dad, but I kinda like it and have already prepared myself for four (not three) days of driving. We'll start off strong and drive a solid 8.5 hours to Lexington, then the middle two days will be 5/6 hour days. And in true to form competitive Scott fashion, we'll finish strong and drive about 9 hours from Lawrence, where my friend Marcus lives, to Colorado Springs.... my new home! Our stops (unless "Mr. Efficient," Dad, objects) will be:

1. Lexington, KY
2. St Louis, MO
3. Lawrence, KS
4. COLORADO SPRINGS, CO

I also decided yesterday that I am not going to work my friends to death this time around and hired helpers to load the truck up in VA and unload it in CO. I'm hoping this is a good decision in the end. They were relatively cheap and hopefully will be worth the money along with saving some time and energy (my friends' energy that is). After all I don't want my friends disowning me because of my over sized couch and clothes horse tendencies. I'm already counting on the fact that the hired helpers was a winning move, and most likely will allow me to keep my friends in the northern VA area!

I leave for Nebraska tonight (nooooo, I'm not making excuses for a possible delay in posting) to go celebrate Grandma Jeans 90th birthday this year! I imagine we'll eat some amazing corn, have a hoedown and probably go cow tipping*... Should be a good time! I can't wait to see and catch up with everyone! Although, I am sad there will be no football game for me to attend this go 'round. Next time!


*I've actually never gone to a hoedown OR cow tipping (yet) in Nebraska but I'm pretty sure that's what you envision when I tell you I'm going there!

Just A Well Planned Road Trip Away ;)

Day 2:

I saw Shayla for the last time before I leave for Colorado last night AND got to celebrate her birthday, albeit, a few days late. But it's better late than never, right!? It was good to see her, as per usual but so very strange to think that I won't see her for a while. Well more so, I won't BE ABLE to see her for a while because of the distance and busyness of our schedules. It's not like I see her every day now or anything but if needed, either one of us could hop in our car and scoot up (down) the road on a whim or if it was needed. It's a road trip we've both done numerous times.

Soon, being 1646 miles away, a road trip on impulse won't really be possible. Although I know Shayla would be down for a road trip like that because when I told her I was moving, that was the first thing she said after she congratulated me. I think her exact words were "Road TRIP!! I'm down for it!" But now there will have to be planning, intentional planning for us to get together. Oh, and of course, money. Unfortunately, being a full-time student may put some restraints on this little social butterfly's capacity for travel over the next couple years. The one thing I've got going for me is that Colorado is a pretty cool place with lots of different things to do that you can't do here in northern VA. Hopefully the slopes, clean air and beautiful weather will be enough to entice my friends to come see me at some point during my tenure as a Coloradan (is that what they're called?). And if not, I'll just have to marry some old guy for his money so I can travel around the world and visit my friends!!*

Our goodbye was no different than my standard goodbye with a hug. As I walked back to the car I wasn't panicking that my best friend and I were going to be 1646 miles away. I wasn't sad to be leaving. I wasn't scared that our friendship would be altered by the distance. I never experience those feelings until I'm actually in the moment.... You know the scenario, when I've got 3 reports to write but need someone to procrastinate with for just a few minutes longer because "You have to hear about this dude I ran into at Starbucks today!!" or coming home from school and just needing to talk because, "seriously, EVERYONE in my little world is getting married and having babies right now. or am I just being ridiculous?!" THEN I will be sad. THEN I will realize how much I miss her and how the way we can communicate through just one glance or the nudge of an elbow.

As excited as I am about moving and starting a new chapter in my life, I have a feeling that once I get out to the Springs, there will be days that I want the comfort of home, the comfort of loved ones, the comfort of friends. And that's what Shayla is and always has been since the day we became friends... comfort. I will definitely miss her spunky self but I know that our friendship will not skip a beat (thank God for skype and facebook)! She won't be making this first road trip with me to Colorado. Dad trumped her and gets to be Dad, and do what Dads do; make sure their little girls are okay and all settled into their new place when they make big moves like this one! But one thing is for sure, there will be more road trips for this friendship, and I can't wait!


*bad joke. it was a joke, mom, promise. unless.... no, I'm kidding, really I am.

A Journey Begins - 40 days until I am a Colorado resident

I really don't need to talk about it again. But I will. Just in case there is ONE new reader, or if one of my old followers (I am using the plural term very loosely... hi Mom!) just happened to stumble upon my page after months of NOTHING, and think someone hacked into my blog to post an entry. It's me! I was not hacked! You should know by now that it's quite cyclical with me. But I WANT to be better. I don't write about anything that is going to change the world or in most people's eyes, important, but it's theraputic for me and I love doing it. In effort to be more consistent AND to document the begining of this next chapter in my life, I'm going to blog something about this transition for the next 40 days. That will take me to 19 August, the Friday before my classes start. Then we'll just have to see where the journey leads from there. So here's to consitency, new beginings, bitter-sweet good-byes, and road trips all in my very near future. Lord, be with me. please.

Day 1:
I can't believe that I'm moving in less than five weeks. I feel like another list is in order so I can get everything done in preparation for this move. Truth is.... I don't WANT to do those things. I'm finding myself wishing I was already in Colorado so I wouldn't have to deal with things like, my condo, moving my stuff out of storage and the Campbell's place, closing up admin stuff at work, thinking about not having a job come August, and all of the menial tasks that are required when one is moving thousands of miles away.
The problem with escaping these tedious duties and 'just getting there already' is then I would miss out on all of the good stuff here. And as far as that's concerned, I'd like to just grab hold of time and make it stop for just a little. It's not that I don't want to move. I do. No, really I do! But I don't want to be so focused on my to-do list that I miss out on these last precious moments that I have here in VA with my family, friends, and everything DC has to offer (I'm pretty sure Colorado Springs doesn't have the myriad of cuisine or culture that VA/DC does). It will also be missing a little 21 month old that has stolen my heart. Gah, if I could just put him in my pocket and bring him with me, I would. He's not the only one I will miss. I have lots to do, but more importantly, lots of friendships to celebrate before my road trip out to Colorado!! I just need to find balance between social and to-do's!

Today's list - Celebrate with Shayla.

So far, I'm doing pretty well not getting bogged down with the necessities of moving ;)

A couple highlights from my hiatus :D

Yes, I was on a bit of a hiatus for the last 5 or 6 weeks. But I wanted to blog, I REALLY did. I just couldn't find the time in between basketball tournaments, triathlon events, finding good restaurants, plunging off the highest building in Las Vegas, and all the other tedious little duties that try to even out the perks of my job while traveling. Coming back to work after being gone for 4 weeks is THE equalizer for me in this job... I hate, no, I loathe voicemail. It's the worst. And coming back to a full mailbox with over an hour's worth of messages makes me want to hit delete knowing that if it's important they'll call back cry. Not to mention the 643 emails to sort through... Ok, so you get the gist. I've been busy at work, which is no big deal (I don't BLOG at work anyway), that's life and you take the good with the bad. And in this case, the bad is not really THAT bad. I'm just whining... so the REAL reason I have not blogged since I got back a week ago is two-fold:

1. My sleep schedule got incredibly jacked up while I was on my trip and that has effected my nights, which is normally when I blog.

2. It's nice to be home and around family (so the blog took the back burner).

A lot has happened between the time I left for my work trip and now. It's a bit overwhelming to think about recapping everything. To be honest, I probably couldn't remember it all if I tried. But I'll give you the highlights:

COLORADO, HERE I COME-

I got into CCU's Master of Arts Counseling Program, which means I'm moving out to Colorado this August! Which ALSO means that I am resigning my position with All Army Sports to go back to school. WHAT?! I know. It sounds crazy, maybe even stupid to some, but this has been in the works for longer than I was ever aware (until this past year), and it has been marvelously exciting to watch the pieces in this puzzle start to take form in a much bigger picture. There's lots to do before I pack my things up (again) and travel West, but I'm not going to let myself get wrapped around the daunting task of moving. Because when all is said and done, I will be in Colorado, and my friends and family will not. I'm making spending time with the people I love here on the East Coast a priority and am enjoying this transitional period, rather than dreading all the little stresses it may bring.

I'M AN AUNTIE (again)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of you probably already know, but the very last couple days of my trip were filled with excitement and anticipation because with every day that passed, it meant I was that much closer to cuddling my new little niece, Whitney Kristin Campbell! And you guys, she is SO cute. Her little face is so perfect, and she coo's and growns when she sleeps. It's hard to believe that not even two years ago Matthew was born AND two years prior to that, Amy and David hardly new each other... I am so thankful that they have adopted me into their little family as resident third parent. I can't lie, it's going to be a bitter sweet good bye this coming August. What am I gonna do with out my little buddy?? I can always count on him to make me laugh, smile and to fill my love tank past the brim. *sigh

(to be continued).....

A side note to yesterday's post...

If you are going through a season in life or even a moment that is, in fact, heart breaking and soul aching, PLEASE do not interpret my most recent post to have said that our heartache here in this world is insignificant or self-absorbed. I actually believe quite the opposite. It DOES matter, because we matter. OUR story matters. And God says it right here in Psalm 56:8 - "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” Not one tear dissapates without being recorded by our loving Father. Whoa. That's honestly an overwhelming visual to me. I mean that's gotta be a REALLY big bottle.

He would not have said that if He meant for us to be these mechanical-robot-Christians, that never felt (or acknowledged) pain and lived in a perfect world. This world is broken, we are broken. Our hearts, yep, broken. And our mender-of-broken-hearts-God, asks us to lay our brokenness at His feet to be redeemed. Which He does. Time. After. Time.

Pain is real. Acting like it doesn't exist does not make our righteousness scale tip to the right or more Christ-like. It makes us fake. My intent in yesterday's post was simply to record the feeling evoked from Ms Gibb's words. And for whatever reason it struck me. It pricked my heart because I am often times WAY too concerned about my well being and comfort in my middle-class world (as if being a Christian entitles me to a comfortable life), than I am about things like serving others who need to be loved.

And that's all I have to say about that (I didn't say it would be a short side note).

Ready or Not....

"We must move away from asking God to take care of the things that are breaking our hearts to praying about the things that are breaking God's heart."

--Margaret Gibb

Words. They are so powerful. I felt like someone sucker punched me right in the gut while reading these ever-so-eloquent, yet piercing words. This Maragret Gibb character has some nerve, doesn't she? I mean, I wasn't even looking, and most certainly wasn't ready for her one, two combo! I'd like to meet her some day and give her a piece of my mind. For now, a simple note on my blog will have to do.

Dear Ms Margaret Gibb,

Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for your heart. I look forward to the day, that those words, and that prayer are the sentiment of my heart. And until that moment, I'll just keep reminding myself that this world does not revolve around me and praying for a new renewed heart and mind.

Love, KT

A year of discovery_The gift that keeps on giving...

Well, spring is here, which always beckons the dawn of a new year for yours truly. Yep, it's my birthday. It sounds so cliche, but I am sitting here thinking about my 31st year and wondering where it went and how it zipped past me so quickly? I'm not sure what I have to show for this past year... I didn't buy a new house, get engaged/married, have a kid... you know, the normal stuff that people my age are doing at this point in their lives. And before you think I'm throwing myself a pity party, I must tell you that there has been a dramatic shift with in me over the course of this past year. For the better, in my opinion (let's hope). No, I may not be moving at the same speed as everyone else, with respect to life benchmarks (who cares, I don't*), but I can tell you that in this past year I have discovered more of myself - the good, bad, & ugly - which has proven to be one of the most valuable gifts I have ever been given. And I'm grateful, with a huge helping of humbled.

*on most days

Have you ever heard the song 'Beautiful Mess'? I don't know who sings it or the exact words to that song, but I get it. This life thing ain't always pretty, in fact, it's just plain messy at times.... But somehow, some where along the way, as I take a second and gasp for a deep breath of perspective, I see beauty in the process. When I truly start to understand the depth of forgiveness, the healing in redemption, the freedom in truth and the love behind God's never-ending grace for me, is when my eyes are peeled wide open to the beauty of this thing called life. But I think without drudging through the unkempt, often heart-wrenching trials in my life, I'm not so sure I would see the beauty with the same vividness and humility. If anything, this past year has given me a lot of perspective (Do I sound like an old lady or what?!). Life isn't about what I have or keeping up with the Jones' (unless I allow it to be)... It's about living MY life to the fullest, however it may come at me, in a way that is real, full of love and with dignity.

As I step into this next "new year," I am expecting a LOT of change. What that change will look like, I don't know. But what I do know is that there will be moments that are not easy, there will be uncomfortable situations and times that I really wonder "is all this really necessary?!" And all this so-called perspective that I've been talking about has proven time and time again that, yes, it REALLY is. Growing pains are a means to an end... and in the end, I want to be just who God made me to be, doing just what he made me to do. Knowing that alone, is enough to bring a smile to my face as I sit here thinking about 'what might be' :) in this coming year! I am so thankful for 31. It had a few more bumps in the road than I expected and they caused me to do some self-analyzing to ensure I was moving in the right direction, but it's been well worth the ride and has ignited a passion inside of me to love others better and to seek what is true in every aspect of life!! I couldn't have planned it more strategically for the next season of my life!! Thirty-to-tha-TWO, I don't know how you got here so fast, but I ain't mad atcha! Let's get this party started... TODAY! :)

PS- Thanks to all of my friends and family who are amazing and make my life THAT MUCH BETTER!!! No matter what changes in my life, you all remain a constant...I am so thankful for the love you all give me day in and day out! I hope that I can support and love you, the way you have done for me. Forever grateful and feeling very loved today!

Ah to be young again... just for a night

OMGosh! OMGosh! OMGosh! Giddy. Do you remember that feeling? You know, the "OMG-the-boy-I've-been-doodling-about-in-my-spanish binder (ok, not just spanish)-just-left-a-note-in-my-locker-and-he-likes-me!!!" giddy feeling you got in high school? If you don't know it, what the heck did you day dream about when you were sitting in class?! I'm pretty sure that was ONE of the parts (if not the only part) of high school that any of us would want to recreate. At least that's my opinion* Anyway, last night I had the priveledge of going to see Boyz II Men in concert and that is just where they took me. Back. Waaaay back.

I'm not sure how else to describe last night other than epic; I get giddy just thinking about it. I got lost in their songs, their moves (yep, they still got 'em), and their larger-than-life, iconic voices... And so did everyone else in that building. At times, the concert was pretty much a sing-along and nobody cared if their the person next to them was singing too loud, off pitch, or bumping into them as they swayed back and forth to the timeless songs coming off that stage.. And that was because we were in the presence of Boyz II Men. It was all so surreal. If someone would've told me when I went to see Boyz II Men that I was going to feel like a teenager again, I would've laughed at them and said something like "Whatever, I don't get silly over celebs." And I don't. NORMALLY. But last night was different... Maybe I was off my game or something, but they got me. They had me swooning, screaming and giggling like I was 15 again. And I loved it. I feel like I should be embarassed, but I'm not. lol. I had a ball.

It's like they always say, "if you got it, you got it." And BoyzIIMen, yeah, they got it....

*Sans High School Athletics and the lack of adult responsibility

"I Will Wait..."

Love her words....

Who I Am....

Who I Am...

I am...just a girl on a journey.

I want...to be known in spite of my tendency to shy away from vulnerability.

I have...amazing family and friends whom make my heart full.

I wish...they all lived closer (or I had a private jet).

I hate...that I worry.

I fear...heights.

I hear...tiny feet running around upstairs (I love hearing that).

I search...for truth.

I wonder...where I'm headed and how I'll get there.

I regret...that my to-do list rarely gets completed and I never learned to play the guitar.

I love...enjoying the 3 F's (Fun, Food, Fellowship) at the same time.

I ache...when people I love are hurting.

I always... sing when the National Anthem is being played.

I usually...lose my breath when I see a beautiful sunset.

I am not...a writer but writing stories through photos and words is a wonderful outlet for me.

I dance...a lot with Matthew lately.

I sing...less now than I use to.

I never...get enough sleep at night.

I sometimes...have a hard time being patient for things.

I cry...I'm a girl, you want to know EVERYTHING that makes me cry?

I am not always...an extrovert.

I lose...in a foot race every time (except against children under the age of 5)*

I am confused...when we don't choose to love and restore dignity, over reputation. (and when I see this)

I need...Grace, truth and redemption in my life daily.

I should...workout more (Amen Megan).

Who Are You?

Now you're supposed to copy and repost your answers.... I'm not tagging people but if you do it, let me know so I can check you out! :)


*possibly younger, it just depends on how athletic of a 4 year old the kid is

Office Coversations - SMH

I was talking to a co-worker of mine and apparently sexy knees are in. Sexy KNEES. I wasn't sure where to go from there but it went something like this:

Co-worker: "I need to find an exercise that tones my knees."
Me: "Your KNEES? Don't you mean your quads, hamstrings and calves... i.e. your LEGS?" isn't your knee kind of like your elbow? if your knee looks fat, it's probably b/c your legs are, in fact, fat or out of shape. But I don't know, that's just my thinking... (and by YOU I was not referring to her, I was THINKING in general)
Co-worker: "No... I'm talking about this area right here," as she runs her fingers around her knee caps. (clearly not wanting to believe that the only way to get your knees to look better, is to get your entire leg to look better, which would mean actually working out)
Me: (scratching my head) "I'm pretty sure that IF there WAS an exercise that tones your knees, Kate Middleton knows what it is." (but then again, she's probably working on her overall fitness by the looks of things.)
Co-worker: "You think she has a blog about what she does to get her knees to look that good? or maybe there's a procedure just to tone up a little bit? You think?" (WHAT?!?!)
Me: (NO, I don't, actually, but I'll play along.... yes, I'm a jerk) "Google it, I bet there's something out there.... Let me know what you find," as I walk back to my cubicle very, very disheartened (for many reasons)....

.....Although that conversation on the surface seemed somewhat shallow, it was oddly informative. I mean, have you seen Kate Middleton's knees?!? If you clicked on the link earlier in this post you have, and my knees.... Well, let's just hope that sexy knees is a quick fad, that runs it's course as quickly as Los del Rio and the Macarena (if this song is played at my wedding, I'll puke). But for some reason sexy knees seem way more appealing than the Macarena, so I may be out of luck. As if us ladies didn't have enough to be self-conscious about, now we have to worry about our knees too. Thank you Co-worker, for making me aware of this new *trend* and giving me one more short coming to own up to (because I didn't have enough).

Leg extensions and lunges are my new best friends. #whoamikidding_idontcare

My Rock of Remembrance_2011 Jan recap

February. Good gracious. It's February. To say time is flying by and that I wish I had a pause button would make me sound like an old fart be cliche, but geeeez..... I promise I will only say this one more time, IT'S ALREADY FEBRUARY, PEOPLE! 2011 is going to come and go just like every other year has done before, but this year is going to mark a lot of new things for me. My memory is not always the best when it comes to periods of transition in my life and I want to have a record of my story; things going on, decisions I'm making (and why), God moments, what I'm feeling, the new characters involved, the ups, the downs... you get the picture. It does sound a bit self-absorbed, but I promise it's not truly believe that God uses our past to shape our future. Not to say that God can't or won't use something in my past just because I can't remember it (whew!), but being reminded of things He brought me through or lessons learned is invaluable when making decisions about the future. Right? Okay, enough rambling, March will be here before I know it and I will still be writing this post. So here's a wrap up of January, 2011....

*Celebrated New Years with Shayla, Paul, Mel, Chief and Brett in Georgetown

*Got the flu and thought I was going to die

*Started packing in order to move out of my place, and in with the Campbells

*Took a trip to Denver, CO (I will have another post about this as it was integral in some of my subsequent decisions) and saw two of my favorite people, Carrie and Jamar
Carrie and me, snow shoe'ing :)

Jamar taking me to meet up with Carrie :)

*Finished More packing - Wonderful friends helped me (finish packing) move

An almost empty house

David in the U-Haul truck; on our way to the storage unit!

Jon driving the U-Haul

Julie and Matthew at Ledo's after a tough day's work!

*Survived a couple snow storms/Enjoyed playing in the snow with Matthew

*Settled into the Campbells and had friends over for drinks, games and hot tub'ing

*Submitted application to CCU for their Masters of Arts in Counseling Program

So long January 2011, you may be over, but (now) you will not be forgotten. February, please bring less snow and more dance parties via Matthew and Campbell clan. I'm keeping it simple this month. Focusing on enjoying the journey. Decisions will be made, fun will be had, my heart will be full, and the pages in my story will continue to turn as I co-author with God in writing the next chapter.

Q_TP #3 - God Save Us All

‎"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

-- George Washington

Now there's a thought America. Republicans... Democrats.... Lay Citizens.... SEEK TRUTH AND PURSUE IT STEADILY. (I should add Media* to my charge, but we all know how well that would go over) I wonder what kind of difference that could make, if we all actually got off facebook for long enough to seek out truth and then pursue it steadily. It's an interesting thought actually. If, instead of allowing the media to control what we believe, we actually researched and studied the historical data for ourselves. I think we would ALL be surprised at what we could accomplish, together, as a nation undivided.

*does anyone feel a tad nervous when watching anything about politics on TV. And by a tad nervous I mean, pee-your-pants scared that our country has seen it's best years and our generation has nothing to look forward to but the perishing of a country that use to be something special? Just wondering.